I turned around the other day and realized that the one who looked so unfamiliar was me. There is so little left of who I am that I fear I wouldn’t know me if I ran into myself on some forgotten path lined with the life I betrayed to become the nothing that I am. The truth is, at least from where I lie right now, that I am more scared than god or I ever knew. Not the fears fabricated to push away those that pick at the walls I built to have some distraction as I played out the game of losing my mind while everyone watched me build a life less walked. If I would speak honestly my heart might stop. Tonight no one gets in. Tomorrow more of the same. I fight off anyone who tries, including myself. Bruised and beaten I pick myself up and wait for the next round.