I wonder how long it will be before you return. There are no signs of your presence but that does not mean you were not careful to leave  any traces unknown. So I write, and maybe it will be read. Or I write in and in a years time neither of us will know who punched the words. I have come to understand your actions in the recent months, on my quest for knowing why I have stopped and fail to start back up again. While the carnal knowledge is understood, do not think it has been repeated, not even close, the understanding of why has been going through my head, actually quite by accident. The large cranium that keeps my body from feeling inadequate has been left to its own devices and wandered to lands unknown to all. It found something that may or may not be of any consequence. It is just past three years now and I realized that I have all that I ever wanted, save one thing. This entity has bewildered me for over a decade and I have struggled with its forces for many years. For some time it was simply my meditation, but no more. I would have to practice in order for it to be my meditation. It has transformed into something else. A me that is unable to be. THe me that is longing. The me that is wanting. This is where I found the understanding. Maybe it is not what brought you to certain actions, but it made me realize just what it is that is missing from my existence.Love. I questioned this for some time and was feeling rather arrogant for even saying the words to myself, yet I did and I wasn’t sure why. I am full of love and love leads my everyday and every action. I know unconditional love. I know deep love. I know eternal love. I know love that has no bounds. But the one thing I no longer am victim of is, falling in love.  I have not fallen in quite some time. I have not felt the pain of not knowing or the pangs of unknowing longing. I know love, yet I want to unknow it.