How did two decades go by? I have the longing to write but not the words. They feel flat and emotionless. Much like I do. Stuck in a tunnel waiting for my destination to arrive I ponder the wasted hour spent in misery. Asleep and dejected by the past four days. This was to be a new start. A new year to kick the coming days in their teeth. What is 40 to be if the days before are as pathetic as the last ten years. Or twenty. I do no care about age. I care about all that is left undone. What have I waited for. How long have I been ready. Am I. What use am I to this world more than a monkey.