I don’t know why I would think I had not been affected, that my shell would remain in tact through all of this, but I realized, even with much work to do, that saying the words came a bit too late. I thought I was free of it, I thought I protected myself. But I […]
Then 138 minutes of peace. I wish that peace would last. Now, today, I am okay… though a little anxious. Getting anxious. I really hate being caged. Trapped. Answerable to someone. And here I am answerable to lots of people.
This is very hard. This is actually eating me up inside. I can’t stand it. Day 5. Day 5 is killing me.
I want to break a self imposed rule here and talk to you about this.  Damn.  It’s day 5 for me. Day 5.
I may have made someone cry. I had to do it though. I told someone something today that I have needed to say for a very long time. It made the clouds here part. I feel as thought tha blank canvas is not so bad after all. I get to fill it. It is my […]
At the moment I don’t care. About day 4 that is. Thank God for that. But I am furious at the outside world. Disappointed and rejected. I work with a rat. Damn. I suppose it was only matter of time before the outside world crept in here. Truly crept in. There is only one who […]
I miss the solitude. It was the one thing I could get before I ended up where I am. You would think where I am would be more the place for solitude than where I was, but the truth is I was more alone in the crowd. I am less alone even though I feel […]
Here we go again. But this is a different day. I think I figured out last night the enemy is not who I thought it was. In fact it’s not a who at all. But I have to keep that a secret right now. Ahh.. fuck it. It’s the act. It’s what I am doing. […]
I won that last battle. And now I am in the thick of the new one. Day 2. An enemy message from the old man in the secret place. Near the signs. I stayed away. I dreamed though. damn did I dream. I don’t remember the answer. Only the question. What happens when the enemy […]
I am struggling. There is a pit in my stomach. A test of wills. I think i will win. This battle. I will lose in the end. I already have.