Instead of counting the days on end, try just subtracting the days that you don’t want. The good days will add up quicker. Third day is good, fourth day not so much, 4 minus 1 equals 3. Fifth day works, 5 minus 1 equals 4.Â
And do not mistake chains for a heavy weight in the air. Our world is clearer, but it takes time to exhale all of the bad air from the world outside.
Not to hit anything hard, so I didn’t. My hand still hurts from the last time.
But I think I may be going insane. And I don’t mind.
It may be a while before I start the counting over
It begins again. I used to find people in the depths of the night to talk with and now it is all over. Why am I the one standing alone? Not moving on? I really did think there was something there. A secret little world of my own. Maybe that’s just what I crave. Something I don’t have to share with anyone else.
even here, in this place. Were they always here? No. I don’t think so. But as of today they are. This is not the escape it used to be. Not at all.
I want to break these chains, but they are growing. Quickly. Weighing me down.
This is the third day since the clock began again. THREE DAYS!!!!! Not even three whole days. This day just started. It feels like months. Honestly. I have no sense of time. And when this particular clock starts, strange things happen to my perception. I can’t expound upon it. Not yet. Not sure even how to if I could. It will be seven before I get a chance to deal with it I’m sure. That’s good. And with each day that passes, well… I was gonna say it gets easier but it really doesn’t. But hopefully it will.
I have a hard time being alone. being centered. I need to breathe. Breathe, A. Breathe.
Thank you for opening the door. I feel a bit more free actually. My perception of this place has changed. It is still a refuge however. It has rained in the place for what I think is over 12 years. The cloud follows me and I wont ask it to go away. I hate it. But in a way it is a comfort to me. After all, it has been there with me for a long long time. I have gotten used to it. I’m not even sure what would happen if the sun hit my body.
The clock started fresh again. I am on day 2. Only day two. It really feels like weeks. What is that?